Diwali Pictures

Happy Diwali !!!

Happy Diwali to everyone.. I would have posted it yesterday but we were run off our feet hosting a Diwali festival party.

I will post pics later, but I spent all day Saturday decorating the back of the house with draped saris cascading from the ceiling, silk cushions scattered around the deck and my doors adorned with traditional torans. The fence and front of the house were covered in handmade floral garlands and floral rangolis were laid out in the entrance. I even bought a new Ganesha statue for the occasion which looked lovely in the soft mood lighting that was created by the strands and strands of fairy lights that lit the garden and the 4 poster day bed which was layered with organza fabrics.

And then..... and then... it rained!!! Yes it rained and rained and rained....
the 40 guests were squashed into a covered area of no more than 12 square metres which also housed the food tables. Food tables that were meant to hold the tandoori chicken, stuffed parathas and kofta balls which were to be cooked on the outside BBQ along with the saffron chicken and lamb biryani. Instead the table was full of food that could be cooked on the stove top or the microwave. cooking for 40 guests last minute was near impossible so they missed out on a lot.

No one of course knew what food they missed out on and by the moans and groans of over eaten men I would assume they would not have had any room anyways.

Needless to say we will be eating saffron chicken and biryani for the next 6 weeks.

I wrapped 8 people in saris and even did a very brief demonstration of Indian dance to some drunken old people (my mother and her friend)

The night was a total wet crazy mess but everyone (apart from me and hubby) enjoyed themselves.

We have vowed never to do it again as its just too much work but we did actually say that last time too. I guess we have 12 mths to forget how traumatic it all was.

I must be becoming terribly superstitious as after everyone left (1am) I had a cry at how it was all a bad omen and nothing was going right in our lives.

To make it all worse we had a Transfer done yesterday (pregnancy topic) and I was meant to be taking it easy... I already feel guilty I have caused this not to work by running around like a blue ass fly all night.

sigh...

Now I have a house that looks like a bomb has hit it and it will take me 12 mths to clean up the mess.

Next time .(see already saying next time) we will make sure we have staff to do all the work .. (haha who am I kidding, like we will ever have house staff)

its certainly a nice thought though....

Full House @ the Temple

Well Sunday we took another trip to the temple, as ignorant as it sounds I am not sure of the exact reason only the reason given to me by mu husband which was "We have to go to give respect to those who have passed away" which is probally the same reason mumiji gave him and thus motivated him to go.

Well we know the temple is open from 4-6pm with a feast afterwards so we make plans to go at 5:45pm , which is enough time to place our offering and then eat, yes I know that's probally rude and ungreatful But atleast we were at the temple right?

However... A special pundit was in town and the temple was so full my gori butt was half in the temple and half on the door frame. Does this mean I was only half blessed??

The temple was split into men and women and I had to sit on the men's side partially cause there was no room on the ladies side and partially because I was intimidated by all the Indian Aunty's and could not bring myself to go and sit amongst them.

I had a good view of everyone else and that suited me as we sat there 1 1/2 hours while the extended singing went on.

To one side of me there were several HareKrishna's (westerners) they were clapping, singing , chanting and had each speach translated to them by what appeared to be the head krishna.

I kept thinking how boring it was that I did not know what was being said and this comes back to my usual moan of how my husband does not translate anything. When I asked what was being said he just said oh just crap.

So I continued to sit there for 1 1/2 hours listening to the pundit speaking words I could not understand...

Now onto the food... well hubby says it was fantastic!!! I don't know how not to take offence at this... I mean he gets indian food cooked most nights and to see someone jumping with glee over the vegetable subji that was to me simply just OK.
I find it a reflection on my cooking and feel that I have yet again failed at being the "Perfect Indian Wife".

Yes I know Iam being too sensitive.. but well that is who I am.

"I am sensitive and Id like to stay that way"...Song by Jewel

Lighting the Incense

As I write this the sweet smell of incense fills my house as we again enter into whats called the Two Week Wait to see if we are pregnant.

I have been lighting the incense and praying for 4 months now ..(yes I said praying) to who ever will listen.

Every month that passes shatters a little more of my heart. I thought the miscarriage was our bad luck and now the Dr says it is possible getting pregnant in the first place was the fluke. Only time will tell.

Mumiji thinks I should dress nicely, put on makeup and "pretend like its my honeymoon" and all will be ok. I don't know if she is telling me I look like a cow pattie or if she is trying to tell me to have loads of sex with her son.

While all this is going on we have started building another house, it was a bigger house to make room for the baby, but I guess now its a bigger house to make room for our future baby (trying to remain hopeful)

I have embarked on lots of different measures since the miscarriage from healing crystals, chakra healing and this friday I am having acupuncture I even had a pshyic reading. Even if they don't work they will occupy my mind for some time.

I guess that's it.. sorry its a little depressing...

I promise I'll snap out of it soon....

Not Much To Say

Well I thought it was time I wrote another post, though I dont really have anything much to say.

We went to the temple at the weekend to do a Pooja for vikrams father who passed away several years ago.

It has been so long since we were there that the pundit had changed, apparently months ago and a house had been built to house the new pundit too. There was a free feed on after the session. Apparently the free feed sorry apparently the dinner happens at 6pm every sunday. I noticed people didnt show up till 5:30 which means they only had 30 mins of singing and listening to the pundit so I guess they were there for the food too.

We didnt stay as it was cold and the food would have been too spicy for me anways, plus we had been there since 5 and hubby was growing impatient sitting on the floor.

He now says he might go more often, On sunday free food day of course. LOL

thats it.. nothing exciting to talk about or of interested.. just trying to get by and find hope in things again.

thank you to all those who sent me well wishes for the Miscarriage. I am sorry If I did not respond to everyone personally.. Just had lots on my mind as I am sure you can Imagine.

Don't Believe the Pundit

ok... so for those of you who don't already know and are still sending well wishes....

I am sad to tell you that I had a miscarriage and lost the baby at 12 weeks......

everything is in limbo right now including my brain.....

We are both totally devestated and heartbroken....

The Pundit Was Right !!

So back in December I had a dream and in that dream a Pundit told me I would be pregnant in 2 months... and well.. guess what.. I am ...

So the blog's been a little quiet while we adjust to the idea of having a little Baby around the house... It was sort of planned yet still a shock...

Physically:
I am 11 weeks pregnant and have spent the past 10 weeks praying to the porcelain gods with morning sickness and nothing I have been experiencing physically or emotionally is repeatable on here.

Food:
We have had to resort to lot's of cold food or processed food to avoid mix smells the only time we have had home made curries is if I have sat outside and came back in only once the meal was complete and smelt of only one thing.. eg. Butter Chicken and not all the cooking smells of onions... then mustard seeds.. then cumin seeds... etc etc..

Hubby:
I am sure hubby is feeling neglected when it comes to food, but it could be worse for him he could be the one throwing up all the time right?
As for hubby... well I better not write about him on here.. but let's just say "his controlling attitude, over protectiveness and paranoia better settle down soon" or its going to be a very stress ful pregnancy.

India:(The word "India" being inlaws)

India isnt too involved except from a few stupid old wifes tale that my husband keeps telling me about.. to which I find stupid and just ignore.
such as sitting on the floor is wrong and can cause miscarriage....
( I'll sit where ever it Bloody feels comfortable..LOL)
My logic is.. If I haven't seen it in a book, read it on a variety of websites then it can't be worth writing about or talking about. I can't listen to everyone about everything or it will drive me nuts, I will work out what feels right for me and thats that.

Baby:
I keep asking my "Dream Pundit" if its a boy or a girl but he isnt answering me... but I believe its a girl as for any other details we don't know we have not had a scan as yet.



I'll finish up with Mumiji's answer to eveyrthing which is " Take it easy and be Happy" a very nice pregnancy motto indeed.

Learning Hindi

This topic has been discussed a few times in my yahoo group and things come around in cycles its back to the same thing...

Learning Hindi...

I have made no attempt to seek outside help with learning, because well for one very good reason and that is my husband speaks hindi I should not need to go outside the home and pay someone.

I have made small efforts along the way and although my enthusiasm waivers I feel my husband is no supportive at all.

On numerous occasions I have asked him the "hindi word " for something and as u do when learning a language you learn by repition, so I ask my husband to repeat it again and again so I can HEAR the word. after about 4 attempts he looses interest or worse shuts me down with a
"Your not doing it right" and thus the lesson usually comes to an abrupt end.

He did use to teach me odd words when we were in the car, but that stopped after we came back from India.. I dont know if my using some words in India has anything to do with it..
maybe people were laughing at me ? Maybe I sounded stupid ?

or maybe he doesnt want me to learn?

Every other Indian/Western couple I know do not have this problem,

their husbands bring hindi movies into the home and teach them hindi.. my husband refuses to admit that hindi films now come with english subtitiles.. (his exscuse was I wouldn't understand them )

I even bought myself a Hindi Language CD... I practiced and practiced built up enough confidence to try it out on my husband.. and all he said was " people will laugh the hindi is too formal"

so I stopped learning it..... Even if I do pick up words, i dont think I will ever be given enough confidence to speak it without any support.

My husband is even developing a translation program and didnt do a Hindi sample version until he needed it for someone else. He could make me my own program with ease.

So what's going on ? am I missing something ?

Sounds Of The Road...

India has it's own symphony of sounds from car's beeping to cows mooing and just the hummm of millions of people in the street.

I suffer from sound sensitivity and at times sounds become very loud and isolated leaving me drained,disoriented and distressed.

When I go to India I have learnt to take ear plugs for sleeping in and at times just a time out from the sounds of India....

But sometimes there is no getting away from the sound of India

The car honking:

In the western world we honk for someone to move, In India they honk to let you know where they are on the road.. obivously if everyone was driving in lines we wouldn't have that problem but that is a whole other article.

Honk.. Honk.. Honk... and Toot ..Toot...Toot are common road sounds but let's not forget the Jingle Jingle of the bicycle horn.

All are put into place to warn you... and having had tried to cross a road in India you would understand the need for this "warning system" if you are to make it to the other side without being clunked by a passing rickshaw which is so loaded up with people and bags that he has no way of stopping even if he did see you.

but The problem I have is working out when the toots are for me.. or if they are for a car on the other side of the road or if I am even hearing toots or Jingles afterall I would rather be hit by a Jingle than a Honk or Even a TooT.

Without being taught the skill of Crossing roads in India,
I Basically put my head down gather my Chunni (so it doesn't fall) and allow a more suitable "Indian Adult" to lead me across the road to safety.

Stop !
was one of the first words my mother in law taught me. Funny enough Stop in Hindi translates to sound of the word BUS which works well when crossing the road

--Watch out BUS!!--

and If I am wearing a sari, I just don't cross any roads.

and thus this is my system of crossing the road.

The light goes out in the city of Lights

OK so its a new year and maybe time to make some confessions....

let me set the scene for you....

We were visiting Varanasi> the holy city of light. Pilgrims visit the Ghat to offer a puja to the gods. In our instance it was to cleanse us of our sins (or something to that effect)

I guess my in laws thought it was required for me to visit or maybe they had done something they needed forgiving for.. me I am a saint (lol) so the thought hadn't crossed my mind to visit somewhere to cleanse my sins.. however I was interested in visiting the famous Ganges.

We had been staying at a hotel the night beofre and after breakfast I was vomiting and getting sicker by the moment, but the pilgrimage to the Ganges was made easier by the air-conditioning and laying down on the back seat.

As we exit the car I realise once again that I am the only white person there, and I was extra white due to the illness which was creeping up on me.

it was extremely hot that's my first recollection... I was thirsty but avoiding fluids to avoid toilets so was I was admittedly weak.

So Iam just basically doing as I am told, smiling for the camera and concentrating on left foot right foot as we go across the bridge and down the stairs..

Iam watching everyone submerge them selves in the surprisingly fast flowing water, my mind wonders thinking about their sins and not my own.. I mean if you have to be submerged into the water.. geez what had they done?? lol

I am handed my beautiful Puja bowl which consists of a bowl made from pressed banana leaves and contains some flowers and of course a lamp. Which is to be lit and placed into the water...

At this point Iam focusing on the water.. wondering how much sicker I will get if I go into the water and just how far am I expected to submerge.. I begin my inside my head chants.

" I am not going in there"
"I am not going in there"

I am passed the puja offering and told to place it into the water. I am only expected to wet my feet as I place it into the water...

At this point I am feeling rather sick, rather weak and extremely hot...

I start down the steps, concentrating on not falling into the water head first and wondering how I will get back up again, when the lamp goes out!!

it went out !! what did that mean ?? I didnt know.. I didnt care so i popped it in quickly and with the gush of the current it was whisked away out of sight....

but there is no way I could have done it again... as I got to the top of the steps I felt dizzy my vision was tunneling and my hearing was gone, I remember mumbling "Iam going to pass out" and then I was seated down onto the cold marble and cold juice was brought to me.... Eventually We continued home with me vomiting....


If I ever go back to Varanasi I will make sure my lamp is lit.....